Those feels when you’ve taken a little over fours nod a half years of Japanese and you’ve taken the JLPT N3 this past month and have little to no idea if you'll actually pass. Then when you try to translate something you realize it’s a little too difficult. Still! It’s worse when you have the gist of what’s being said, you know? And you just can’t piece it all out.

Maybe I did start learning Japanese just because I love anime and manga. I stuck with it and I’m even putting up with kanji happily enough. As much as the idea is pure insanity and I still need to study my workbook packets very thoroughly.

The N3 annoyed me. It's true what they say about it—the test isn't everyday Japanese like, you know, you should be learning and using. I swear there were so least three Japanese women there who flat out said it was difficult/stuff native speakers don't normally use all the time, my proctor included. It's useless in its own way but a milestone to work towards if you want to be certified for work related purposes.

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2014 was an interesting year, I guess. I can't really say I had any life-altering events happen, and I can't say anyone else would be thrilled by it all, but I pored a lot of time into classes such as the JLPT and gift fanfics. And that's all I can really ask for.

As my special mention, this year was also the year of SeiSub for me. Technically I fell in love with them last year, but I did so much to read fics and understand their characters it became a huge part of my happiness unlike anything else. Getting involved with CLAMP stuff even more than I've ever been was awesome.

I made some friends. I started some RPs, but not as many as even last year. More than anything, I did a full Yuletide story and a treat. That's something I have't done and accomplishes the "get my act together" post I made in September.

I also wrote two friend presents. Zelda's is still pending, but I'm almost done! Mostly the descriptions are in my way. On the topic of writing, I also started journaling. I'd heard of LJ years ago (one of my favorite anime blogs was an LJ), but I never really used LJ for myself. But now that I heard of Dreamwidth, and they say most of the fandom activity is out here now, I hope to stay here for a while to come.

All I can hope for from the New Year is to write great things. And maybe find another fandom to obsess over besides TB/X. But I honestly doubt that'll happen, because man do I love me some TB/X.

Anime I finished worth a shoutout:

Ao no Exercist
Asobi ni Iku yo!
B Gata H Kei
Black Lagoon (seasons 1 & 2)
Boku wa Tomodachi ga Sukunai (seasons 1 & 2)
Dantalian no Shoka
Fate Zero (seasons 1 & 2)
Fortune Arterial: Akai Yakusoku
Genei wo Kakeru Taiyou
Haibane Renmei
Hidan no Aria
IGPX Immortal Grand Prix 2
Inugami-san to Nekoyama-san
Kamisama no Inai Nichiyoubi
Knights of Sidonia
Kuroshitsuji (seasons 1 & 2 & OVAs)
Mahou Shoujo Madoka★Magica Movies 1, 2, 3
Mushishi Next Chapter (specials 1 & 2)
Nyoro-n Churuya-san
Rozen Maiden (2013)
Sakura Trick
Shakugan no Shana (seasons 2 & 3)
Shingeki no Kyojin
Soul Eater
Space Dandy (seasons 1 & 2)
Spice and Wolf II
Suzumiya Haruhi-chan no Yuuutsu
Sword Art Online (& Extra Edition)
Toaru Kagaku no Railgun
Toaru Majutsu no Index
Welcome to the NHK

So many S titles. There were other small things and movies, but those were the big ones. Not quite New Years yet. But have a good one!
I think I'm beginning to enter a part of my life I don't really want to be in. I want to go back.

I've started English major classes this summer. I took a class which helps with literary criticism and another for beginner's journalism. I love English to pieces, but this means I have to truly figure out what I want to connect with my life. This will probably be the creative writing track, because I honestly can't get myself to do education as a literature prof.

But here is herein where my huge problem lies. I've written stories for school and I've written some things I've posted online (some of which are here since this is my all purpose personal/fic journal). But I've never really finished a true, long story. Most of my projects have either ended abruptly or never lifted off the ground properly. Heck, I can't even write a decent one-shot without the pressure. Sad, yes. Even in the last few years my writing has matured to the point where I don't cringe physically when I see my sentences and grammar.

Okay, I'm possibly exaggerating a tad. I write a lot. There's a lot of ideas tumbling around in my head, and more recently, slightly begun one-shot fanfics on my computer. They're just waiting for me to open the document and plant my fingers on the keyboard. And I have written one-shots before. Not in the way I seriously should concentrate on, however.

I don't like this. I don't. It makes me frustrated with boatloads of ideas. I really need to write.

I want a good story I can call mine and only mine because I poured my heart and soul and sweat and probably even blood into it, fanfic or original story. I have ideas for the Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha and Tokyo Babylon/X universes to start with. I've started writing them out, but this isn't good enough to get the ball rolling.

Where am I ending with this?

What makes me the saddest is I think I'm finally going to drop most of my roleplaying.

I've been roleplaying for over 10 years. That's one decade. Since I was a child. It helped improve my writing style and I met so many friends. But it also eats up a lot of time I need.

Now don't get me wrong. I'll keep a few. I can't drop entirely, and several of my partners have died I never tried to replace. Small replies are easy to respond to.

But a decay has already started since last year. I stopped caring as much to do some RPs earlier this year. I realized I just don't want to do MxF pairings anymore, for example. Now I only want to do things I really care about because of time restraints, like anime fandoms, I've had quite a few original RPs in the past, though, so I love that as well.

I have said I wanted to be a copy writer and editor. Editing is a major, major pain, though I get quite into my sentence structures and word choices when I'm editing my own writing. I was wondering if I should try my hand at betaing fanfics? Not original stuff. I want to do things I really like first to get the juices flowing. I still don't know about this, I have to see in the upcoming months.

This is a new point in my life. I can feel it, and I have this whole year. I just need to become serious and rid myself of the distractions. I will have to budget my time wisely.



January 2017



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