[The whole post is sarcastic self-denial in my weird personal flavor, but I had to write it out. So no one should read this unless you like rambling about the exact opposite of canon. I have feelings. I am not okay.]

Recently, I reread the X volume 16, and I’ll put my coherent feelings here.

Seishirou kisses Subaru.

How about that serious SeiSub kiss, everyone.

What do you mean you didn’t see a kiss? It happened. It was as clear as day, and yes, it is just as valid in our imaginations. You were supposed to visualize it—Seishirou was in too much pain to make the final connection. It probably happened off camera in a precious panel CLAMP hid from us, too. You don’t write “I… you…” and refuse to put a kiss somewhere there. Like, CLAMP could have planned to reveal the obvious meaning of those words in those last volumes, but of course we have to fill in the blank if we don’t have the ending.

Think about it, the kiss was too amazing to be put into one picture. CLAMP understood this cruel truth when they drew it. Don’t you understand how hard it is to draw absolute perfection in one panel and call it done? It was too much pressure for 100 words to convey in one picture. 100 words does not describe the justice SeiSub truly deserves.

It wasn’t to torture us. It couldn’t be have meant to do that, right?

Blood would have gotten in the way? That’s another thing, there was no blood.

It was a beautiful kiss. A kiss on a bridge over the water. No, Hinoto, go away. Their meeting was a date to watch the world burn or something. The kekkai. Good enough. And Seishirou most certainly didn’t die, you hear me. Why would you have the nerve to say that? He didn’t die, because that’s just depressing. Why would he have to die? He didn’t even care about the Earth. He was heartless and didn’t feel regret. That’s what we were supposed to believe. So he couldn’t have died, see? He couldn’t have died.

Anything else you hear is a lie! They kissed! No one died, and they were happy together. Happy in ever-after with Seishirou’s eye being Subaru’s wedding ring… but um…

So you did have influence in this, Shoten.

Which means… Seishirou felt something? Which, I mean, would be ridiculous if it happened in the TB to X timeskip. Why would his feelings change in so many years, especially when CLAMP themselves always put into their works that people constantly change? Especially when we knew basically nothing about how he lived those in between years. Seishirou could have sat down one day before 1999 and put on one of Hokuto’s old hats and wondered what he wanted out of life. No, you do not turn back after you’ve tried on Hokuto’s hats, Seishirou. Subaru knows it is futile. He would have warned you Hokuto’s hats were the worst ghosts that dared possess him. He couldn’t refuse. But you’re a stubborn man and didn’t listen to Subaru or talk to him. You’re a mystery.

Hokuto had you in that steel trap, Seishirou, but you managed to wiggle out and cause everyone heartfelt remorse anyway. Subaru, please, you had the one chance to control your boyfriend. But it wasn’t like you knew his plan… The world really did burn. Nothing burns brighter than when Seishirou realizes how many feelings he has inside. And this is what makes it worse.

That’s depressing if Seishirou’s kiss missed, you know. I mean, I don’t think I could handle that. An apologetic kiss missing like that, trying to make up for years lost and all. Keep that away. My heart clenches. Bleeds.

Or, it’s not like he paused in kissing him—breaking his selfish streak for the one and only time he kisses Subaru. If that’s a possibility, you know, and why not. Because he wasn’t kind, but he knew he was selfish. And selfishness really isn’t the way you want to tell someone goodbye. Or give into wishes, yours and his. So selfishness has to go. After all, why would he think Subaru loves him?

Seishirou was in pain. There’s that. And my heart bleeds again.

Love is strange. A strange, painful thing.

You know, let me just… be alone, please.
#like I said sarcastic self-denial#I was serious when I said I want Seishirou and Subaru to be happy#this is my self-denial post let me have it#I just want to rage and vent#HE WANTED A KISS THIS IS A FACT#I hate and love this volume#then I realized why I wrote this post after fully writing it#I just want to ask for something and want it with my heart#I still don't know how most of this post turned into a kiss thing but whatever#this is the direction this post took and I'll embrace it#obvious SeiSub trash is showing too obviously#am I arguing something? Idk even#x/1999
I have this small nitpick with an in game friend on EN. It's been going on for a while now and I just need to voice it.

I understand not having a UR, and I understand that not everyone might have tons and tons of SRs. But I have this one friend that always either has an idolized R or an idolized N (most of the time, in fact) as their center. And I'm like you??? Really? They're active and they usually try to tier. They're not that low ranked.

I know, I should just unfriend them if it bugs me that much. I don't know them out of game and I'm not going to ask them to change their N to an SR. I'm surprised I didn't delete them when I've done cleaning. But I've talked to them a few times when I've congratulated them, and I never get up the strength to delete someone after I've talked to them.

It still rubs me as not fair you get to use my Cyber Nico and you have this idolized N for me to use during a token match.
ARENA 01: Kujō Sakurako [Kōsaka Honoka]

ARENA 02: Jibril [Sakura Kyōko]

ARENA 03: Yūki Asuna [Ebisuzawa Kurumi]

ARENA 04: [Kanzaki H. Aria] Hikigaya Komachi

ARENA 05: Takanashi Rikka [Senjōgahara Hitagi]

ARENA 06: [Sonoda Umi] Stephanie Dola

ARENA 07: Oshino Shinobu [Nagato Yuki]

ARENA 08: [Kinomoto Sakura] Ebina Nana

ARENA 09: Hikigaya Hachiman [Kuroba Kaito]

ARENA 10: Meliodas [Yūki Rito]

ARENA 11: Sakamaki Izayoi [Roy Mustang]

ARENA 12: Ichijō Raku [Ginko]

ARENA 13: [Orihara Izaya] Togashi Yūta

ARENA 14: Okita Sōgo [Sinbad]

ARENA 15: [Edward Elric] Kanda Sorata

ARENA 16: [Kageyama Tobio] Aomine Daiki

ARENA 17: Izumi Reina [Hinazuki Kayo]

ARENA 18: Yume [Aqua]
Today, I voted in ISML. And I've never shared what I've picked before, but since I haven't voted there for a while, here's what I chose. I've been watching Food Wars! so that's where Erina came from.

ARENA 01: [Isshiki Iroha] Shiraishi Urara

ARENA 02: Shirayuki [Kaname Madoka]

ARENA 03: Kurousagi [Aisaka Taiga]

ARENA 04: Shirai Kuroko [Furukawa Nagisa]

ARENA 05: Sanzen'in Nagi [Sakura Chiyo]

ARENA 06: Tedeza Rize [Minami Kotori]

ARENA 07: Nishikino Maki [Tōjō Nozomi]

ARENA 08: Aragaki Ayase [Nakiri Erina]

ARENA 09: [Saitama] Kisaragi Shintarō

ARENA 10: Bell Cranel [Isana Yashiro]

ARENA 11: Leonardo Watch [Okabe Rintarō]

ARENA 12: Yukine [Akasaka Ryūnosuke]

ARENA 13: Matsuno Ichimatsu [Okazaki Tomoya]

ARENA 14: Amagiri Ayato [Zen Wistalia]

ARENA 15: Itami Yōji [Kaneki Ken]

ARENA 16: Arima Kōsei [Iskandar]

ARENA 17: [Naruse Jun] Endō Saya

ARENA 18: [Yurizaki Mira] Satonaka Chie
So I ship Yashiro Gaku/Fujinuma Satoru. Why? Spoiler reasons! I'm surprised too. It's honestly nowhere near as amazing as Seishirou/Subaru, obviously, but there's parallels with a serial murderer and age difference (even though Yashiro is older... 20 years?... Revival timelines make it a bit hazy). Despite that the confession leapt out of left field a bit, that rooftop scene and not being able to live with each other was pure gold in the anime version. And then what could be interpreted as a lover's suicide (from Yashiro's perspective) if you wanted. It was just too much yes. I think I'm what they me call trash. Pure, complete trash.
Currently watching the Extra Life Love Live! stream with Umidah. Trying to get a code is basically nonexistant. I swear there's a hoarder here, and one other person says they've gotten three Nico codes (like China Dress Nico). And I'm like... I get none because I'm one second late. And you get three? How fair is that?

I've been slacking with writing. BUT! I know where my ideas are going, especially after sitting inside the school library Thursday. I haven't been doing nothing! Tonight I also signed up for the CLAMP Secret Santa. Three things: NaNoWriMo, CSS, and Yuletide. That's it, I'm done. Along with treats. And NaNoWriMo now takes precedence until I'm at the place I should be.

Debating whether to skip Toonami tonight. I'm really tempted.
Lots of things.

Today was a good day. In Eli's Medley Festival I didn't tier. It was a nice steampunk design, but I wanted to save up for a UR (and oh the happiness, just wait). The T2 tiers for that reached and T1. Pretty crazy, right?

I also got a Pure MedFes. I swear I was at 703 combo... the highest I've ever gotten, wiping out that 503ish from September. About to finish Sweet, Sweet Holiday. BUT THEN I missed up on the last few notes. I know, I'm so upset. But at least there will be more chances, right?

During this MedFes I got 2-3 Alpacas and 2 Scouting Tickets. One gave me ninja Maki. The other gave me Nico (after I chanted for her). Only problem was, that was a Rare. Can't win them all.

The best thing came around 3:20. Before then I saw the new Victorian Kotori UR. I was so thrilled. Okay, so I only had 100 Loveca prepared. Wasn't really sure what would happen. So I draw once, got the ninja Rin. That's officially my first SR idolized (still upset about Pana) and it reaffirms how great idolized looks compared to unidolzed. Sometimes. My Scouting Ticket only gave me a Maki Rare, too.

So, then I draw again... AND BAM THE RED ENVELOPE FLIES OUT. First scout that had a UR fly out. I didn't know what to expect (well, I did, but!) and I held my breath and it was my beautiful Victorian Kotori coming home. <3 Way too happy for my own good. I love my new Kotori UR so much. I just wish i could have her ballgown idolized version. That dress is totally my favorite kind of design, and I'm sure Nozomi will be amazing when she's out. So far we can see the skirt of a purple dress peeking into Kotori's card... so obvious is obvious.

Lots of SIF first for me today. Halloween this year is being great to me. I played the game so much today I feel kind of burned out, though. The other Eli event isn't too bad. Still have to work on cleaning out those N cards.
It's neat that so much Tokyo Babylon artwork has so many pictures of the Earth before CLAMP decided they would drop Subaru and Seishirou in X.

I mean, there's lots of globes in the artwork. And you wonder, why are these random globes here in these pictures. Was it all really for pretty pictures?

Since Seishirou and Subaru are supposed to be Dragons and all, it really would have been interesting to see it referenced in TB other than the party line call. But TB was done before CLAMP realized this would go down anyway.
So I didn't tier for JP Hanayo. With one or two more hours, I could have done it. I had 20516 and needed at least 21610. My luck.

I used the Green Ticket after the event, and no surprise, I ended up with the Rhythmical Charm Smile Nozomi just to rub my salt wounds a little deeper. Yes, I should have started a bit earlier And i planned to, but I was up for a day and only slept for a few hours before (7ish-11 PM), so it had to be... should have done it the morning before. At least I got three hours of intense grinding in. I tried to do too many short Hard songs when I probably should grinded Love Novels instead—the only EX I can play right now on JP. That would have driven me crazy, maybe, but who cares.

On the other hand, the EN rice goddess Hanayo is looking to be pretty easy so far. The Score Match is easier to tell these things because there's no 4x to wait for. I've actually slacked off a bit in EN so far. It's one of those rare events, or not so rare with Klab shaking up the shedule, that starts a day before the JP ends and it feels so claustrophobic. Either way, that tier is looking pretty low. I"m standing at 68 Love Gems as of this post and Maybe I'll try to see if I can go for her! You know, earlier than the other Hanayo.

Maybe the other was a wake-up call in these things since this is my first time tiering for these events. But I'm level 94 in JP, and 68 in EN, so I've gotten pretty far!

There's also an SR and UR poll I voted in tonight. I voted for a lot of URs I liked for the login bonus, but I may have made mistakes with Maki and Nozomi. Maybe—but I still liked those SRs. Yes, I said SRs. Well, there were other SRs I liked too. Well, I'll either go over that later or see what the poll says at the end of the month.

Speaking of Maki, Maki has a new UR after ninja Niko went away. It has dogs in it. It's an animal set and I'm happy about it! Kotori's card isn't included... but it'll probably have a bird. I hope not, for once. I want her to have another animal to be associated with. Meanwhile, Niko has some chicks, which I believe show up in a few other cards. But they're cute.
Two days ago I scouted my very first non-promo UR. My promos on EN are okay, but it's nothing compared to seeing a Rare envelope flying out of the blue voucher box and thinking that it'll be an SR (Rin curse prevails). But nope! I saw a pink envelope and the rest of history. I thought I wouldn't be the squealer type (because I'm not), but I apparently did despite all that. I had 50 LGs to kill and I thought I'd go out of my way to scout. On my quest for the ninja Niko, of course—which proved no success after three attempts and I'm still salty. But! I did recieve Flower Crown Niko and Cyber ver. Kotori, among a few other SRs. So I'm not too upset now that I finally have more Smile cards to use in general.

But the UR was January Honok. I've looked at that card in passing and thought it looked really pretty, so I'm not complaining to have my new Cool Honoka. I even arranged for her to be my main leader and to have colorful SIF background to support her colorful charm. Funnily enough, it doesn't stop there. Someone in my JP version also has the same Honoka and background. I noticed right after I checked my friend's list to see what other URs they had as their mains. Someone has good taste.

Currently I checked a while ago and I saw I'm also 9,600ish in Umi's current EN magical girl event. That's... very low now that 4x has started. Usually I rock the 2000 mark even in token events lately. Are the cut-offs going to be that low, or am I just kicking more ass than usual by playing so much? I dunno, but I may have to tier if this keeps up. Always need magic girls around.

Speaking of the event, the event story has shorter segments but they're still pretty cute moments for Umi and Honoka. The story feels like it's more about Honoka than Umi though because it's about Honoka running away from home with her father not approving she puts so much time into u's... Well, the setting is Umi's house and it's not really running away because Honoka is confiding in her as a friend. Good enough?
I love skimming back through fanfiction archives like FFN and communities on LiveJournal that were once super active because it makes me really nostalgic for another reason. Unfortunately, AO3 doesn’t quite have that appeal yet. Even really old 90’s style sites that have thankfully managed to stand the test of time and haven’t been purged are gorgeous and a blast from the past.

I think to myself when I come across those stories, “Hey, some great fan I’ll probably never meet sat in front of their computer and posted this story over ten years ago when this fandom was in its heyday and I missed it. And even if I leave a gushing comment today, they’ve disappeared off the face of the map and will never read it. What are they doing nowadays? How old are they?”

It’s sad how time begins to turn and newer fandoms kick the older ones out. But it’s a treasure to go back through those amazing fics once they’ve aged.

Let this be a lesson: Sometimes people may not read your story. But someday, somewhere, somebody will find the link to it and will wish they could talk to you.
The issue of consensual sex during SeiSub stories is pretty interesting. Many times it's borderline rape, but it really isn't because I've noticed most SeiSubers don't like writing that and opt for sweeter stories instead. I have to classify most of it as dubious consent.

For example, one thing I find interesting is that Seishirou doesn't ever really find out Subaru's wish until maybe the end (that, no, he doesn't want him dead) but he somehow knows in all these fics that Subaru wants to be with him. And that's how people want to depict Seishirou—they want to overrule that and say Seishirou knows Subaru loves him, which Seishirou sadly never knew.

It's not really a big deal in the long scheme... but it's making the relationship healthier in a way. Seishirou still acts like a bastard. Subaru is usually unsure though he second guesses himself with Hokuto but doesn't think about it much by the end. Like all those stories about Seishirou bursting into Subaru's apartment. This assumes Seishirou wants to be there and wants to see Subaru squirm (that shows he actually does have feelings). Meanwhile, Subaru's fuming he's there but he doesn't want Seishirou to actually leave. And he accepts this all when they inevitably do have sex... and everything is okay, because they both accept that.

Somehow I feel like this is in character but out of character. It's strange, but to me I guess Subaru should make more moves on Seishirou to get what he wants rather than the other way around.

I'm not really sure where I was going with this post. Just wanted to get this idea down on paper. I just simply thought this dynamic is interesting. Maybe I'll edit this later to make more sense.
One of the disconnecting things about X is that it, in fact, is set within the perimeters of Tokyo and we don't feel much connection to the outside world. Some of the characters have that connection but most of them are regular Tokyo inhabitants. Granted, this makes X's Tokyo setting feel even more realistic in my mind than most other series and their settings. It's like a breathing, living being this Tokyo just the real version. And I say bravo to CLAMP—it helps they have such a fleshed out universe.

The story is generally murky about the Earthy dying and being reborn anew because you really don't know where all these dreams are coming from that say it's going to happen. I know this story is very much character driven, but there's still this opposing force outside it that begs for wondering—I mean, why should they believe in such a fate to begin with? Is there no other way to fix it? And does killing each other really do anything when none of them are really terrible people? (Excluding Fuuma and Seishirou, they have their own special interpret ions.)

I'm probably not the person to ask about all the little religious details. It's obvious that there's heavy Christian themes used for the Kamui to represent saving the world, and all the artwork shows that. But it feels strange still that through whatever higher power in fate knows this, I can't cannot to it so much because of the setting. It feels alive... but I don't connect it to the outside world as well.

So, I'm saying Tokyo feels genuine. It's so genuine and important to the story I don't feel a certain connection to saving the world or not saving the world. And that's one of the fundamental things in the whole series, which is strange.

There's a few other things I wanted to say about the characters. But I think I'll leave that for another day.
But what about Hayate learning to walk.

We all know saw how much Nanoha struggled to walk after her accident. She had that flashback in StrikerS, and I swear it's more detailed in Tsuzuki's head even though he couldn't delve into it. That's still a debatable idea for the movie 3rd, whenever that'll grace us.

But what about Hayate? She basically couldn't walk most of her life because her energy was constantly being drained. And then you'd imagine she'd have to struggle with that and the Knights still doting on her and not really knowing how to stop themselves from being fussy... And at one point Hayate would probably have to put her foot down and say, "Let me do this by myself. I appreciate it but I've always been indepedent since I was basically a baby. So please, guys."

I don't know if anything small was covered in the side materials... I still haven't read them all. I guess I just wondered because almost everything else is, so why not that? We see Hayate walking and fighting in SrikerS. There's a disconnect here. We're like, okay, let's accept this because it's been ten whole years canonically and Hayate's a strong girl. Nothing probably all that interesting happened during her physical therapy, but my headcanon is that Hayate's struggle with walking comes from people trying to help her just a little too much but don't realize she's got this down. It would make for some good sentimental fluffy/comedy atmosphere material.
I played this game for basically six hours straight. That’s the longest I’ve grinded since I started this game believe it or not and I wasn’t even tiering. Mostly for Honoka’s card (my Smile team, RIP), but I also had some good LP to burn for my beloved Kotori. And yeah, I’m not the highest ranked in EN yet. So…

You can imagine my annoyance when I realize less than about 25 minutes before the events ends that I literally have 5 points left to get Honoka! I’m seriously like… wow, this is my luck. This is why I can’t pull a UR. So, even though I burned 4 of the maintenance Love Gems to get Honoka already, I go the extra mile and pay one more and get her immediately. I ended using as much as I could after that to get under 20,000 points. It worked—I even got in the mid-10,000, which is much different to how hard it was to get out of 20,000 for whatever reason. Well, at least I’ll get 2 Love Gems back and a green Scouting Ticket.

Oh! And in Kotori’s event, I was lucky enough to get a gold prize yesterday. I didn’t know what it was and expected one of Niko’s siblings as I had on Saturday happen BUT THEN it was a green scouting ticket too! And for a set of Normal songs because my teams in both versions are still iffy, pleasedon'tstomponme.

I’m done with this game now until I’m forced to drain my LP for Kotori in a few hours. If KLab can’t show love for Honoka, I’m glad I could. I pray we don’t have events this short anymore. It’s so much easier to play this game on Thursday night after my school week ends.
Love Live! has taken over my life recently in the last few months. And as such, I've looked at the upcoming events. More of them catch my eye than the ones this year. I still regret not starting this last September when, you know, the app was starting in English... but I just no idea how addicting this thing would be! I even downloaded it and started. But I thought i made a mistake and didn't pick it up again until May. Learned my lesson. And I missed so many events and chances for Love Gems, ahhh.

Anyway, I think I'll make a list of the upcoming events that catch my eye so I can plan better for them. Right now the Kotori (JP) and Honoka (JP) events are on the swing. The Honoka one is eight days long and it's probably going to cost me some Love Gems. I dread this. Or, because of this, at least go over all the upcoming events so I wheedle out the ones that won't be as important to get serious over, or to T2 for. There's only a few I can do because Love Gems are so hard to get in the EN version.
Going to make a list of everything SeiSub is. It's kind of baffling.

1. Polar opposites in magic (ying-yang, light and dark).

2. Arguably best friends during the year of the bet. Seishirou ends up not caring for Subaru in the end but they still did many family-ish things together.

3. Generational clan heads, rivals.

4. Polar opposites in personality. Seishirou's confident and ruthless, Subaru's shy and gentle.

5. Bringer of life and happiness, bringer of death and despair. Deal with spirits.

6. Two people who were extremely well-versed in talking with other people but had no idea how to communicate between themselves because they valued each other so much.

7. Both have two women that are important in their llves first before each other. Subaru (Hokuto, Lady Sumeragi) and Seishirou (Setsuka, the tree is arguably sentient and an ancient woman).

8. They're both stubborn. Impossible, lovable idiots.

9. Seishirou's a vet. Subaru wanted to be a zookeeper. Death and life with outside sources driving them on.

10. Subaru's an older vampire, Seishirou's a newer one because of him.

11. Subaru wanted to die because of Seishirou. Seishirou took the imitative and committed what was more or less a ritualistic suicide for Subaru's sake.

12. Both of them are some of plain yet elegant and sophisticated characters.

13. Both very obsessed with each other in nontraditional ways.

14. Both of them don't really know what true love is. Subaru figured it out sooner, probably, but they both are confused. Subaru had too much love for everyone and couldn't differentiate, and Seishirou had too much "love" from Setsuka and that may or may have not scarred a sociopath mind already.

15. They loved each other (... nothing can convince me otherwise anymore).

16. Subaru has a penguin in Shoten 5... a penguin... the aquarium... Seishirou loves penguins... (therefore Seishirou loves Subaru -cough-).

I'm sure there's more. A list like this has floated around in my head for a while, so I'll add onto it when I think of more. Just had to get this out of my system.
I can't write plots.

I'm sitting here. Thinking about this a little bit. I realize that it has been nibbling incessant at the back of my brain for years whenever I sit down to a document.

I never wanted to say that ugly thing to myself, because you can write long plots if you really try. I'm going to admit it to myself, though—I just can't write large-scale stories the way I want to, and that's what I aspire for. That's what is making me realize just how important stepping stones shorter stories are. Can you believe I once scoffed at them? Yes, scoffed! (Maybe roleplay did turn me into a semi-elitest.)

I always thought if I thought deeply and hard enough about a plot I'd dredge up something good. But that's not true for me. I have a hard time writing long-standing plots. I sit here and my mind draws to a complete standstill because I don't know where or what I'm doing. Which character should I make what are they doing, anyway?

Now, I know a lot of people have the same issue. Everyone does. But I can't help but look at fics and see that people kind of know what they're doing the whole time. I'm envious. Or, maybe they just don't whine and about their troubles in OoC which is Writing Rule 1#. But I always feel like I blank slate out drying like a dead fish much, much more in comparison.

There's always kinkmeme to write for. I'm glad I found those, because I ponder over them regularly. Those are still sort of a thing. I don't think as much because LiveJournal isn't as active as it used to be. Whenever I view the old communities there they are dead, dead, Dead with a capital D. Except the handful of ones that remain super active.

But, as far as now, I think I'll focus on the kinkmeme prompts. Oh, and Yuletide when that starts up soon. Can you believe I wrote Light the Way Home that long ago already? Steps in the right direction!
Well, it happened. Basically a year ago now I posted that my interest in RPing was waning. Well, not really, but I want to hit the pause button. It's amazing what kind of affect SeiSub had on me through that... but it's not all the reason, as I said in my journal entry about wanting to dip my toes into storytelling instead of lumbering around in RPing so often.

My RPing life is more or less on hiatus for whatever time it'll take. It was very gradual and not forced and I feel like this ia decision that will benefit my writing overall. For example, the English classes I'm going into this semester with, official writing for Yuletide starting next month, and Zelda's fic still needs to be kicked towards the end.

I don't think I can ever really give it up. I've been with this hobby before anime. Anime, and arguably with today's kids 16 isn't all that young. Not considering Toonami here because I wasn't as immersed in the anime community and didn't really think of it much.

The few RPs I have are niche right now in that I was extremely lucky to find SeiSub fans now who've been long-term with me since last year and earlier this year so far (what a rare godsend). The other SubKam one is turning into a Madoka one with OCs currently while we put that on hiatus and I decide what in the world we're doing with that. Speakimg of that particular RP, I have to finish the intro.

RPing is one of my passions and I'll continue it proudly. But it's going to wane off until I'm prepared to tread the murky lines of ad sites again as I settle in for polishing my talent just a little more before coming back. And it's just as well. I crashed and burned with a lot of the RP attempts I made in the last few years. Ever since I realized M/F isn't for me anymore things sort of nosedived and so did my desire. I'm going to look forward to the quality of what there is in the future.
I swear Madoka is one of the only series where the whole audience overlooks the opening sequence and expected it to be something completely different. It told you what it was going to be right away. That's how shows usually package themselves. A light and fluffy story? It most certainly isn't.

Well, what room do I have to talk. This is somebody who went in knowing Mami was going to die. For some weird my memory fails me. I thought I watched it from the start, but I vividly remember watching it after the massive flood of spoilers graced the Internet and knew a head was about to roll. So I guess I watched it after her death (which was unfortunate, considering my own dad's death was around this time exactly... Madoka episode four was the only episode I streamed as it aired in Japan, and what a depressing thing to do when I was depressed already. Go me).

Seriously, we have a race against the time scenario from the start. A dark sky with a gigantic monster flying high above, and the implementation of Kyubey's wish. Not to mention it ends with Homura almost falling to her death if you don't already realize this series is time travel. And while we knew the series was about the future for a start, the fan theories about Homura's time travel ability wasn't even revealed until episode 10. Then it was hailed as one of the most epic episodes a lot of people had seen. At least, that's what I saw said so far back.

I have to admit, I loved the series watching it originally and wondered all these things back then myself. It's just so obvious now what the whole intention was, and we had that extra month inbetwen episodes 10 to 11-12 because of the Fukushima tsunami. There was a loooot of extra time to evaluate about fan theories and decide how things would end. Maybe that's why Mami's death was still so shocking. Even most gruesome shows don't have a main girl dying so immediately with her head eaten off.

Still glad we ended up Madokami, though. Madokami is a blessing to the universe.

Felt like simply musing on this, I guess.

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Kisuru

November 2016

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